A Crappy History Lesson

This is from a shitty dream I had last night that had way too much thinking in it.

Note: This post also contains Adolph Hitler and the word "Jewish" and I am not here to offend anyone, I am just throwing down some interesting history facts and a weird concept I had in a dream. If you should find anything that renders discomfort in your throbbing hearts, by all means, you don't have to read my blog.

Also also: Hitler was a jerk that ruined a mustache style forever.

And Walt Disney probably saved a lot of people.





So last night I had a dream in which I was at some sort of kitchen-like environment, I was at the counter and I was also sitting in the dining room playing the game CounterFactuals with myself. It is a game created by Amy and Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" where you ask how slight changes in a hypothetical world effect the rest of history.

Examples of the game right here.

Well, the kitchen-counter-me posed a very simple question: What would be the biggest change in the world had Disney never existed?

Table me's answer: Hitler would have killed a lot more people.

I swear I have a good defense.

Adolph Hitler adored the movie "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" and viewed it often in his private cinema. I speculate he admired the artistic renderings of the characters and backgrounds, for you see, Hitler was an artist himself. Alas he failed his entry exams in Vienna despite his above average talent for painting houses.

Like really, he was a pretty good artist (but let's not forget his Voldemort mentality of living in a pure blooded world where everyone has Malfoy-blonde hair and would most likely grow up to be a dermatologist due to the more frequent outbreaks of skin cancer on their pale, sensitive skin. Sun block sales would sky rocket too. And dat mustache. I mean, come on Hitler, you RUINED a mustache.)

But that's beyond the Disney theory. Aaaaaand back on track.

A man claims to have found Disney character drawings done by the Nazi leader himself. (Crazy. I know, right?)

SO! Had Hitler not been enjoying Disney movies and pretty much spewing out fan art, he would have spent more time devising strategies on how to conquer the earth. And believe me, he wanted to exterminate everyone. Not just Jewish people.

Gays
The mentally handicapped
The physically handicapped

Midgets were probably in there too.


In summary: Disney makes the world a less shitty place.


Unless it's Frozen. Frozen killed the Maelstrom ride in Epcot and I resent that. A lot.

World o' Warcrap

More stuff I found on my computer that I'm never going to finish. But I must say, the intro for this is wicked cool. Oh shit, my RI is showing.

 Look at that waterfall! The extreme angle! Nnnf. I rock.

I'm such a nerd.

Kinda contemplating making a dwarf named Beeroy Jenkins now.

Writing sucks and makes me sound psychotic.

I tried to give my mind a break from writing my next book, I really did. I can't escape it. 

Here's a little teaser about what this story is about. I need to get it out of my brain before it drives me insane.

This story wants to be about everything. It has so much that not even my main character knows how the fuck it all fits together. Here's how we're looking at it: "Imagine you need to solve a puzzle and the pieces are scattered all over the world and you have to go looking for them. To make it even harder, the puzzle doesn't have a picture. It's made of memories and moments from your life."

There is a scene that goes from listening to Elvis to battling a Norwegian lake spirit called "The Nokken" to looking at the Northern Lights in an abandoned castle. It deals with what a first crush feels like, sibling rivalry, circus people, murdering people, vampires, ice magic, all of the things!

It's like my brain is throwing up. I came up with an entire system of how magic works and it sounds a little bit like Avatar. Like "air bending" avatar, not the blue people movie.

This is my life right now. It is coffee and an imaginary bird yelling at me. Because once a character is in my head, it never shuts up. This dude in particular hasn't shut up since 2010.

Explanation of this last panel: I was driving home from getting beer and groceries when Hozier came on. I like singing songs at the top of my lungs and sometimes I forget just how easily sound travels through the windows of a car, even when they are closed.

And when the song ended, I got out of the car and found out I had an audience.

Sorry you had to hear those vulture screeches coming from my car, woman in the parking lot. I had to make the voices shut up for a little while. There's a pelican and it's telling me not to do bad things to it. It wants to be a trapeze artist.














I swear to god, I am a normal person. I've kept the same job for a full year! That's proof I can function in the real world, right?

A Techie's Constant Struggle

We begin with this:

That's me in theater tech mode. It is a very different attitude compared to the regular "help the customers" mode. I get sweaty. I get sweary. I get covered in splinters, dust, and glass. If I am not filthy then I'm probably doing it wrong and it's probably not as fun.

This task may have been the worst task I will ever do at work. We had to replace the old fashioned display lights with LED ones. In order to do that, we had to take down the strips that were bolted to the wall with dual locking tape. There was also the prerequisite of removing each individual glass bulb from the strips to avoid glass exploding. (Safety things. You know.) But in order to do that, we needed to load up a box with printer paper (for weight) and stand on that to reach the very top.

We had to "Give A Mouse A Cookie" if you catch my drift.

I accidentally dropped one bulb and it popped like a balloon. Scared the shit out of the girl I was working with but I was like, "Huh.... that was cool."

Here's a depiction of me standing in the window to remove bulbs. The giant poster was not supposed to go up until after we changed the lights but.... priorities!

Got all that? Awesome.



It took us two hours and the top strip fell on my head. The bulbs couldn't fit through the holes in the strips so we had to unscrew them then screw them on one at a time and it took forever. By the time we were ready to adhere them back to the wall, it was closing time. We just carefully leaned them against their proper positions and put some dual locking tape on the shelf so whoever was working in the morning could throw them up lickity split. The worst was over, you're very much welcome.

It looked a little shitty and our manager would probably be mad when she opened tomorrow but hey, we did all we could in our given shift time. The girl I was working with was a little younger and had no experience working with interior illumination so it took a bit of time to help her out. 

Me on the other hand: I've hung PAR units, I've programmed cues, I know how to pronounce "Fresnal". In short: I have experience wrestling with this shit. Have you licked a wire while standing in a puddle? I haven't, but my professor did.

Side note: She was also a little shorter so even with the box, she couldn't get the top lights. Guess who did!?

So now you understand this was a struggle. The whole reason I am explaining this is so you understand why this statement freaked me out a little:

We'll call her "Monica". Love this woman. She's very appreciative of all our hard work but this... this.... this sentence:

"Can we at least get the side strips on the wall to light up?"


I'm putting this here so you don't have to scroll up:

Connectors. I know I spelled it wrong in the drawing. I was in a hurry.

Me to Monica: "No.... no I can't."

My inner techie voice: 

IT ALL CONNECTS AND IT'S GOT ONE PLUG! What do you want me to do about that, Monica???!?!?

Of course! I'd love to switch on the lights that are completely parallel to each other and by no means can survive without the top and bottom! Let me just put on my wizard hat and make that happen! WHAT ARE YOU, AN ACTOR?!?!

You're killing, Monica! You are the director with high hopes and dreams and I am the lighting designer that is here to crush those dreams and explain the reality of the situation for you and THAT reality is, no, no it cannot be done, Monica. I'm going to the bathroom now to carefully remove the glass from my jeans because I accidentally sat in some.

So we closed up shop with the lights chilling up against the wall looking like shit.