State of the Epiglottis 7/28

I would have said "State of my throat" for a title but that sounds wrong.

I was supposed to post this last Wednesday but I had an unexpected car dealer dilemma in which they knocked off my passenger mirror loose somehow in the process of performing an oil change. That is nowhere near where they had to be. At least they replaced it no charge and they had complimentary donuts in the waiting area. Booyah.

So on Wednesday afternoon, I took a trip to the ENT to see why on earth my epiglottis was suddenly inspired by Josh Groban to raise up and stand on my mountain... tongue. Mountain tongue? No, that sounds wrong.

The first thing I was rather shocked at was how nice the doctor was and how she was actually concerned about my problem.

Dr: "Has this feeling occurred before?"

Me: "It comes and goes but only lasts for a few days. Last year when it stuck around, I went to a different ENT and he just told me to drink water and it'll probably go away."

Dr: "Seriously, he said that?"

And that's when I knew I liked this place.

I admit I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm a redhead, meaning I freak out about my skin. I thought I had a brain tumor the first time I got a migraine. Unlike some hypochondriacs, when I fear for my health, there's actually a problem. It's just not as bad as I think it is.

She felt up my throat, checked out my ears and my tonsils where yet again I was informed the large holes in them were normal. She even said my epiglottis looked fine and that they sometimes go up and down like that.

Then adventure time happened!

I know what you're thinking and no, it didn't go up my butt.

Dr: "Everything seems normal, but just to make sure, I want to take a look a little deeper down your throat. To do that, I need to put this camera up your nose."

Me: "...............................Ok."

I've done Nettie Pots before. Actually it was a paper Dixie cup and hot water, but it was the same concept.

And to make sure I wasn't going to feel the camera in my nose or throat, I had to snort a numbing spray.

Why thank you for that quick Google search result, John Malkovich. I hope I never have to study your face to draw you ever again.

Yes, apparently us redheaded folk are mutants. The last time I had a cavity, they had to up my dosage of Novocaine because I felt everything. EVERYTHING. 

Just knock me out for it, seriously, it's easier. And it's more fun. What? Did I type that out loud? Anyway.

I snorted the numbing spray and it did nothing so I just took it up the nose.

It felt odd.

I thought about that video where a guy kills a zombified praying mantis and a huge black parasite worm squirms out of its body. It felt like THAT thing was in my throat. 

It's called a horse hair worm.... 

It felt like a horse hair worm..... 

And I actually didn't panic. I was surprised. I think I was just fascinated by how weird it felt.

It was one of those sentient cameras.

So the doctor found nothing but she did prescribe me antacids. She said it could be a minor case of acid reflux, especially since I feel it the worst at night. In two weeks, if it's still happening then we'll take it from there. But if it does help, woohoo, case solved.

So far the lump feeling seems to be fading away during the day but it pops up to say hello every now and then. It could be acid reflux. Or it could be that a doctor reassured me it's nothing and reduced my anxiety levels.

We shall see!

 

I Can't Come Into Work Today, My Epiglottis Is Acting Up.

Warning! Contains illustrated throat flaps! I don't know if that would be considered graphic or not. Well, it's definitely a graphic. I'll give it that. I'll rate it PG. It's not like it's a boob or anything.











I was going to do some recording today but I'm going to take it easy and relax my throat. I learned new things about my body last night and it almost tossed me into an anxiety attack.

What I thought was granola stuck in my back of my throat turns out to be a very important flap called the epiglottis. If people didn't have them, we'd all be dead. It's the thing that makes sure your Chipotle barbacoa burrito ends up in your stomach and not in your lung. No wants a spicy meat lung so thank your epiglottis from preventing that. You also have the right to scold it when it lets you inhale your own spit.

My epiglottis has a problem. It has been living in the back of my throat for almost 25 years now and I've never even said hello to. It decided to fix that.



Like I said, I thought it was a piece of granola I somehow didn't manage to swallow. However when I shoved a flashlight in there, I was greeted with this sight:

The anxiety came about when I saw it move. That was unsettling. It was arching up like a frilled-neck lizard trying to hiss at me. No one wants that behind their own tongue.

It's breaching like a whale and refuses to go down.

I seriously thought it was an alien tail.

I don't think it's in its proper place because 1) I can feel it trying to spoon with my tonsils. I'm glad it's treating them equally and switching off every so often but I'd prefer if they'd all be like "Let's not and say we did". 2) I didn't know this little potato chip alien existed until last night when it sent me flying away from the mirror, legs trembling to pick up my phone and see if "white flap thing behind tongue" was a common problem.

This is all based off of learning about it on Google. Never a good idea for a hypochondriac. You can look up "excessive amounts of earwax" and Google will tell you you're dying.

The epiglottis is a stealthy one but has a sensitive soul. Lucky it's soul is encased in mucous.

What mine is doing seems pretty common. I can breathe fine, it looks about right, it still does it's job, and the pain level is less than swallowing a Jolly Rancher whole. It's just kind of there and it doesn't want me to forget it.

Usually only children have an excited epiglottis. As you get older, it gets bored and retreats further back into your throat cave, embracing the darkness, and goes on doing its thing in bliss.

Mine has developed an irrational fear of the dark. It especially doesn't want to be alone when I'm stressed. Maybe it senses my feelings and tries to come up to comfort me. It rubs my tonsils telling me it will be ok. Well, Ms, Epiglottis (because you are in my female body, so I'm dubbing you a lady) the best help you can offer is no help at all. Like seriously, I can feel you right now Frenching my own tongue. It's uncomfortable. Go back in your hole.

There should be an update on my throat status around Wednesday night after I see the ENT. My goal during the visit: