I Can't Come Into Work Today, My Epiglottis Is Acting Up.

Warning! Contains illustrated throat flaps! I don't know if that would be considered graphic or not. Well, it's definitely a graphic. I'll give it that. I'll rate it PG. It's not like it's a boob or anything.











I was going to do some recording today but I'm going to take it easy and relax my throat. I learned new things about my body last night and it almost tossed me into an anxiety attack.

What I thought was granola stuck in my back of my throat turns out to be a very important flap called the epiglottis. If people didn't have them, we'd all be dead. It's the thing that makes sure your Chipotle barbacoa burrito ends up in your stomach and not in your lung. No wants a spicy meat lung so thank your epiglottis from preventing that. You also have the right to scold it when it lets you inhale your own spit.

My epiglottis has a problem. It has been living in the back of my throat for almost 25 years now and I've never even said hello to. It decided to fix that.



Like I said, I thought it was a piece of granola I somehow didn't manage to swallow. However when I shoved a flashlight in there, I was greeted with this sight:

The anxiety came about when I saw it move. That was unsettling. It was arching up like a frilled-neck lizard trying to hiss at me. No one wants that behind their own tongue.

It's breaching like a whale and refuses to go down.

I seriously thought it was an alien tail.

I don't think it's in its proper place because 1) I can feel it trying to spoon with my tonsils. I'm glad it's treating them equally and switching off every so often but I'd prefer if they'd all be like "Let's not and say we did". 2) I didn't know this little potato chip alien existed until last night when it sent me flying away from the mirror, legs trembling to pick up my phone and see if "white flap thing behind tongue" was a common problem.

This is all based off of learning about it on Google. Never a good idea for a hypochondriac. You can look up "excessive amounts of earwax" and Google will tell you you're dying.

The epiglottis is a stealthy one but has a sensitive soul. Lucky it's soul is encased in mucous.

What mine is doing seems pretty common. I can breathe fine, it looks about right, it still does it's job, and the pain level is less than swallowing a Jolly Rancher whole. It's just kind of there and it doesn't want me to forget it.

Usually only children have an excited epiglottis. As you get older, it gets bored and retreats further back into your throat cave, embracing the darkness, and goes on doing its thing in bliss.

Mine has developed an irrational fear of the dark. It especially doesn't want to be alone when I'm stressed. Maybe it senses my feelings and tries to come up to comfort me. It rubs my tonsils telling me it will be ok. Well, Ms, Epiglottis (because you are in my female body, so I'm dubbing you a lady) the best help you can offer is no help at all. Like seriously, I can feel you right now Frenching my own tongue. It's uncomfortable. Go back in your hole.

There should be an update on my throat status around Wednesday night after I see the ENT. My goal during the visit: