Gas Station Betty

A quick dumb story. This happened a year or two ago. I swear these people seek me out.

It started off as any ordinary gas getting adventure. I got gas, got back in the car and had to stuff my card back into my wallet which usually takes all of 1-2 seconds to do. I guess that wasn't fast enough for the person behind me.

Yeah, the friggin Betty Monster sees me look in my mirror and she goddamn waves to me to move!

Allow me to give you a bird's eye view of the gas station:

If she couldn't wait the five seconds for me to put away my wallet and start my car, I was going to give her something worthy of her impatience.

Ok, so I didn't give her the finger but I did give her that face.

I don't remember what I bought but in the two minutes I bumbled around inside, the Betty Monster never moved.So she received another bitter look as I bitterly ate my snack. If I was in her shoes, I could have circled the three other open pumps twice, put air in my tires and maybe recited the 50 states and their capitals.

You did that to yourself, Betty. You did that to yourself.

Turkeys

Socks

(That's the door to the bathroom)

Valentine's Day Story: How I Met The Skippy

In honor of Russell Stover Awareness Day Valentine's Day, my original idea was to talk about the different men I've kissed but realized I didn't have much to say about them.

Although I did have a good line where I referred to one as Emperor Palpatine because "he was small but menacing."

No, none of them are important though. Well... except one. This is....

Man Pants Have Holes In Them

Hey peeps,

Hope everyone had a good Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Knishmas. Also hope that throwing up wasn't the first thing you did in 2016 because, you know, booze.

Here's a quick recap of how I spent my holiday:

Story: It's tradition that we get one Christmas Eve present and my mom and I get each other pajamas. Well, this year my mom got Skippy some too and..........well, yeah, those are my pants now....

And I learned things.....

Moving on.

We also observed the Festival of Lights by signing up for Cards Against Humanity's Eight Sensible Gifts for Hanukkah. Presents included things like socks, pictures of the families in China that make the cards (CAH gave them all a paid vacation), more socks, and...

CAH bought a castle in Ireland and renamed it Sensible Castle. Each person that payed for the eights sensible gifts get to be rulers for exactly THREE WHOLE MINUTES.

But the thing is I won't be "Queen Jirr". When I signed up, I didn't exactly put my name in the shipping info. There's a story behind that.

So this year, I put:

I accidentally called someone this while watching Skippy play Rocket League.

Upon April 26th, 2016 between the time of 7:27 and 7:30AM CST, I and Skippy, Lord and Lady Suck Banshees the Shitfaced (yes, that's the title), will make three decrees, one for every minute of our ruling.

7:27AM: I dub Sir Scott of TSO's Customer Service Dept. official knight and court wizard.

7:28AM: It's illegal to stack pie unless provided they are housed in separate containers, the punishment being a pecan pie to the face. Pecans hurt.

7:29AM: You must immediately throw back a shot should you hear someone say "Martin Scorsese".


And this is our castle. I'm pretty sure this is our castle.

Pinterest.com https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/11/57/98/11579883a9670d3410d18694101c27e3.jpg

Sensible and crappy. Just need to scrap a few trees and build some Fallout furniture.

Lastly, I am getting great vibes from 2016. I'm feeling better, I'm getting into a routine with writing and drawing, I'm using more coupons, and I'm just living a better life. I have A LOT of projects I want to do and hopefully I can share some of those on here. I'm going to work my ass off in the office* so it gets even better.


*Office=

Stay tuned on the Facebook page for little stories here and there and check out the blog in February for a Russell Stover Awareness Day Valentine's Day story.

Happy New Year! Stay cool as a cucumber.