I know it's a little late, but as promised I am posting last year's crappy cartoon regarding my feelings toward this festive day of love and roses. I guess you can consider me a Grinch when it comes to this day. I'm probably one out of millions who grit their teeth and bare it the minute stores throw up the heart shaped candy boxes, balloons, the stuffed animals that you press and they sing to you, wing-ting-tinglers, stuff-stoof-stubblers, and the works. And all the roses, roses, roses, ROSES, ROSES!
I used to love Valentine's Day way back in the day. Like second grade back in the day. It was and still is like a poor man's Halloween. I say that because all the candy you get is the shit you find at the bottom of your pillow case after you eat all the Snickers and Reese's cups. Does anyone actually enjoy those chalk flavored candy hearts? And I swear the lollipops have the same syrup they use in cough medicine-that weird, overly sweet orange or cherry flavor.
There is one thing I have always loved to get and that is this baby right here:
http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/07/72/60/06/0007726006251_500X500.jpg
Whitman's isn't too bad either, but you gotta love the classic Russell Stover. It is the Russian roulette of chocolate. I'm the freak bitch that lives for the molasses chews. There's a map, sure, but where's the fun in that? You hide that sucker and pray that you just picked out a savory vanilla cream and not a fruit and nut caramel. Those little assholes are like midget fruitcakes. Then there's the game, "WTF is this flavor?". It usually happens when you pick out a fruit themed chocolate. One time I bit into a strawberry one and I initially thought it tasted like that bubblegum paste they use to clean your teeth at the dentist. I think it might be made with the same crap because you can spit all you want, but that flavor is going to stick to your gums for hours.
I think I've trailed off long enough. Without further adieu, here's is the story of why I dislike Valentine's Day.....
