Skippy just put on "Cabin In The Woods"

And there's only one way I'll get through it.

Good thing I have vodka and pineapple.

Keep ya posted for updates throughout the movie!

7:56PM: MY THOUGHTS SO FAR:
Whodafack are the business men and wasn't that guy in something?

My predictions:
Red Head with no undies: Going to die. Possibilites of sex: 50%
Blonde: Sex. Maybe a sword through her chest.
Thor: I hope he doesn't die. He's going to shank someone and save the day for sure. I'll do a shot if he hits something with a hammer.
Bong Coffee Cup Guy: 1)That's crafty. 2) He is going to see spooky things, may have sex with the undy ginger and then come to a gruesome end.

Also:

"Honey toes"





8:02PM
So we just met Blood shot eyed NOT-Woody Harrelson and a crow-falcon just kamikazed into a Borderlands barrier.

Thor is pumped about this dinky ass cabin.

Undies Red Head (which is now her name) seems to be questioning her actions already. Second guessers usually don't do well in these movies.

8:08 PM
Sooooooooooooooooooooooo Big Brother is watching? Is this some sort of Weird Glados science testing? And why is Not-Woody Harrelson being creepy over the phone like that?

Oh good, a swimming in the lake scene, let's just keep building up this false sense of security and happiness.

8:15PM
I hope it bites your face, Blondie.
I'm with Thor on this, WTF am I look at?!

LOL cellar.

8:23PM
So we've reached the mark in a screenplay where we transition from exposition to the beginning of the journey. And it has happened rightfully so. Also, the office guys remind me of John Cleese and his team placing bets in "Rat Race".

Why are we watching Debbie shake her ass down by the fire? Glad Thor is having a good time and is appranetly in an open relationship? Uh oh, first typo.

I HATE THOSE SHORTS! Pockets sticking out of your damn under-bottoms just look foolish!

8:32PM
"Blonde: Sex. Maybe a sword through her chest."
Her purpose is halfway fulfilled!

8:33PM
Sword through her hand. Good enough.
Bear trap on her back. Creative.
So my prediction was... what would you say, 70% accurate?
Soooo the business men is "Rat Race" meets keepers of the Golden Army from Hellboy ||?
"Little Nemo" WIN.
AWWW dang, they done Ned Stark'd her.

8:42PM
Well Coffee-Cup saw some spooky things and came to a gruesome demise. Just no sexxy times with Undies Red Head. She's macking on that other guy. 

Sooooooooo you gonna grab some weapons outta the killer room? Because that would be a good idea and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOO THOR!

Guess Undies is the hero now. Guess I'll just upgrade her name to Sansa Stark for epic stabby times.

WTF is with Tokyo?! They turned "The Grudge" girl into a frog! WITCHCRAFT! And don't say the eff-word to the nine year olds Mr. Business Man. That's rude.

8:52PM
Habbup! Thor's being a hero....... No hammer shot. I am sad for this. Although, the sporting a crow-falcon was unexpected so I give you a thumbs up, movie!

WHATINTHETHROAT?!?!?

Well, Sansa, good luck to you. Sorry bout your mirror bud.

Wait for it..... wait for it.....
OMG she turned into a beer!

8:57PM
So jump to the business people now. Wat in the helling blazes are these people doing?!?! And what is it with this guy and mermen?!

So Coffee-Cup didn't have a gruesome demise?

9:05ish PM
"It's a Willy Wonka-vator!" -Skippy.
"It's like a zoo!" -also Skippy

Thirteen Ghosts much- WHOAH HEY NOW Ballerina Mouth!

Wait wut?

9:13PM
If you ever wanted to see:
Willy Wonka's Glass Elevator, the video game "Doom", "Thirteen Ghosts", the people in charge of creating the arena in "Hunger Games", "Half-Life", the Jafar Snake.....

the elvators just ding'd......

if you ever felt like seeing everything ever in a horror movie..... this is it. 

PS Can I ride the dragon-bat?

9:14PM
Unicorn.

9:15PM
He got his wish. Merman. KRAKEN!

I am throwing my head back in laughter.

9:20PM
SIGOURNEY FRIGGIN WEAVER?!!?!? It's like there's 2 unicorns!

WHATINTHEDAMNCRAPPINGHELL IS HAPPENING???!?!?!

9:24PM
Yes, we have plenty of time to sit, reflect, and light one up. Nice, Coffee Cup.

ZUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEES!

You know what would've been better? If the Muses from "Hercules" sang during the credits.

In conclusion:

I think I saw the prequel to "Hercules"

Thus concludes the live blogging/commentating! Hope everyone enjoyed this! I need to pee like a mofo now!! BYEEEEEEE!