Crappy Cartoon Theatre By Jirr Burns: There are drawings at the end, I swear.

So I saw "The Conjuring"

Not as scary as I thought and I absolutely hate scary movies. I like animated movies more. They tend to have more creative stories and I enjoy the art behind them too. I mean, I was blown away by how they created the evil face in the sky for "ParaNorman".

I mean, "The Conjuring" wasn't a bad movie. To me, it had a nice build up (slow at times), and reached the peak halfway through and I just stopped caring.

My experience after the jump because, you know, spoilers.

Skippy really wanted to see this movie because the house this takes place in is pretty much down the road from us. They claim it's based on a true story which I'm sure Hollywood spiced up to where you can't even taste what food it is anymore and it'll make your spit hurt.

I watched the trailer, was a little creeped out but figured "Hey, it's not 'The Woman In Black'. It's got Office Space Guy in it, I'll bite."

But he had to take me to Chili's for a few margaritas first. If three ciders can make "The Hangover 2" a complete haze, tequila should keep away the trauma of a horror movie out completely.

Not the case. I had to switch to stoli because I barely caught a buzz.

My thoughts on the movie itself:

-I think Linda Blair escaped the the set of "The Exorcist" and hopped into the Tardis so she could be the scary ghost demon lady.

-The first scene had a Scooby Doo vibe to it and I was hoping there would be a montage of ghost hunts paired with, like, Skycycle singing "Terror Time Again".

-I realized the mother was played by Lili Taylor. Suddenly remembering her from "The Haunting" and Owen Wilson getting his head chopped off made everything less frightening. All I kept hearing was her line, "IT'S ABOUT FAMILY!"

-There's a Narnia Wardrobe. It actually has a secret passage but it leads to certain death and not Prince Caspian. :(

-Lastly, they foreshadow how demonic possessions work and once it actually happened (and I knew it was going to be Taylor) I was like,

It just kind of died for me there. I'm not freaked out by exorcisms. I'll sit in the same room with a possessed person, have tea with them and go back and forth with Yo Mamma jokes. As long as they don't vomit on me. If they do, I will vomit back.

What creeps me out is the unknown; what you can't see. The one scene in "The Conjuring" that was freaky to me was the foot tugging. The door moved and the girl claimed she could see something behind it in the corner.

Shadowy people standing around in corners are not fun people.

So how many stars do I give "The Conjuring"? I'd say 2. But I took screenplay classes and after learning about the bases of movie stories, summer blockbusters are just boring to me. If you like scary movies, exorcisms, and do not write screenplays, this is the movie for you.

And with that, I'll leave it with these drawings.

You just entered the Jirr Zone.

"Courage of the heart is very rare. The stone has a power when it's there." -Nicodemus to Mrs. Brisby

Seriously, I can remember the entirety of "The Secret of NIMH" in a span of 30 seconds. You know that part in "Finding Nemo" when Dory actually finds Nemo and she has the flashback with "P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney"? That's what it's like for me.